Allegiant...My world has ended.

Yesterday...I died. I collapsed in a puddle of tears. I got shot through the heart and died once with Tris. It was an easy death. It was a coming home. It was a relief...the calm has finally come ....the fighting is over...I am home...she is home....But the story keeps going and the ache just starts over. The tears pour as I realize the ones that are left behind...all alone...in a chaotic world...their short lives full of sufferings and unfair deaths. I hurt. I am sick with pain to see Tobias...I have not even read all his entries and already I can anticipate his agony. I was Tris and now I am Tobias...Tortured, again.
This book is so painful, so so so saddeningly full of affliction. I push through. I read until the end and I cry, cry, cry. I hurt. I am alone. The world around me, the real world around me does not care. They don't know. They could not possibly comprehend. I mourn. It's a freaking story. It's not real people! I can't reason with myself. I can't make it go away...it might all be inside a book but it feels that I have really lived it. The pain is real.

I had entered the world of the Divergent so enthused by the characters and the newness of their organized world and by the end of book one, it's chaos everywhere. Chaos in the city, chaos within families, chaos within friends, chaos within their souls. I think that's why the book grips me. There is so much mending to do, so much fixing and you want to see it happen, you, as a reader, crave resolution. Except it does not come soon enough. Except nothing is ever as it seems and doubt is in every page so you keep turning those darn pages, pushing through the pain, the anxiety, the grief and then you reach the end and you are BROKEN.