Saturday, November 8, 2014

I am lost....

I started reading the Divergent series....I had heard about it before from other kids...from family members...I did not think twice about it. Then I saw the movie. The movie hit me like a ton of bricks! I know the reviews were not nice and the whole thing could have been better but it struck a chord within me, deep, deep deep within me. It haunted me. It captivated me. The notion of factions. This idea of initiation. The faction-less...so familiar yet so different. The lack of time stamp made the story appealing too...not old fashion, not futuristic enough...it all felt relatable yet different.

After getting stuck on the movie, I decided to purchase the book. I am too lazy to go to an actual bookstore and pick up a copy...I am also afraid of how different it will be from the movie. Finally the book arrives and I start reading it. Having seen the movie, I lose the magic of creating the characters in my mind and they come alive through the pages as the real people who acted them out in the film. I guess I will never see those actors as anyone else but Veronica Roth's invention.

I recognize scenes, I realize the changes that have been made. In some ways, the book has been simplified to fit onscreen. Or at least, that's how I see it. The book is powerful. It grabs me. I read it quickly. I realize that kids who liked Twilight will love this book too for the romance part but I also realize that there are much deeper conversations to be had about the ideologies in the book, whereas Twilight was way beyond shallow. Many online reviews of the Divergent series differ and speak negatively of the serie but I am blown away by the imagination and intricate details of this closed in society. Everyone compares it to the Hunger Games....I did not read it...I saw the movie and I could not read it. I could not deal with the idea of having to kill everyone and only one survivor 'winning' the game. It was too...too mean, too low, too vile...In Divergent, there are murders too but it's not as drastic and cold.

After finishing the Divergent, I can not wait for the paperback version of Insurgent. So I read the next book on the Kindle app on my phone and my tablet...It consumes me. It makes me feel sick to my stomach. It destroys my insides. I stop breathing when I am not reading it...I realize that I am holding my breath, that I am just waiting to resume the story. Even as I read, I have to take breaks. I moan, I wring my hands...It's torture. When I am away from the story, it is burned in my brain. Scenes repeat themselves; words echo; I hurt. My hands shake. I can't eat. I am worried....There is so much action, so much deceit, so much lying, so much guilt. so many deaths...It feels like a Shakespeare play in a science fiction novel. 1984 meets Shakespeare's Hamlet/Romeo and Juliet. After a few days of agony and two late nights of reading way into the early morning hours, I have finished the book.

I move on to Allegiance...but I already know I am not going to like it. I don't like the falling apart of the society. I was fine with the factions. I don't like Tobias' s mom. I don't like the truth revealed. I don't like the idea of behind the fence. I don't like to see my heroes, who by now are more like superheroes without capes, in a world where they are reduced to nothingness. They are lost. They are powerless. They don't fit anywhere. They can't make sense of it without pain and deceit again...I am only a quarter into it and I am sure it is going to be another difficult read. I already know Tris dies...because there are a lot of spoilers online and I just caught a glimpse of it...It already made me cry. I totally get that she dies. The way I see it, she has to...and it's obvious from the start. I might change my mind after I read the rest.

I keep thinking about Dauntless...About the old ones becoming faction-less and I cannot help but wonder what would have happened to Tris and Tobias if they aged in that faction....

I can't wait for the next movies...it will be a long while...In the meantime I am re-watching the first movie and catch more details as I go.

I have never been that obsessed by a story besides The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo trilogy but at least in that one, the main girl does not die...the author does! Leaving me drying my tears in the dust, forever wondering.

I am destroyed...when the series ends, I will have to rebuild myself and heal.

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